...No. At least, not the kind of trust that you are implying.
[ Masamune tilts his head towards Kida to transition his attention from the ceiling to the wall. ]
I trust him to always act in a way that does not put himself at a disadvantage. He said something to me recently...
[The pause before continuing is only as long as it takes him to remember the words like they were spoken. ]
I oversee humanity and tip the scales as needed to set them on the proper path.
[ ( "You are no different." ) ]
That type of individual can never be changed. I merely can count on him to do certain things in certain ways.
...That's also why I've given up trying to convince Sieglinde to stop being so infatuated and not hang around him.
Does it make sense? [ His question is quite curious with no hint of negativity: he really does want to know if that is something that she can consider as a concrete explanation. ]
[ Sieglinde is infatuated with Gilgamesh? Kida's nose wrinkles, and it hides some of the hurt. She hadn't known. But then, she hadn't asked. What had Sieglinde said? The King I do not know if he despises or desires.
It does make sense, and she nods. She knows Gilgamesh, at least, and she understands Masamune's idea--that Gilgamesh is a fixed point. He's said much the same thing to her, once. ]
He is as he says he is; a force of nature, like the tide, like a hurricane.
[ If nothing else, he doesn't lie about his own nature. She considers Masamune's face, his words. She leans her cheek against the back of the couch. ]
[ He glances at her now, curious. He already told Sieglinde this point so he is a little surprised this doesn't seem to have come up in any conversation that may have been relayed on him and Gilgamesh. Still, he doesn't exactly mind being the first to say t, even if it's not a truth he would go happily boasting in public. ]
...I'm a pet to him, Kida. A play toy. It's almost impossible to admire someone who views you like a possession. I think anyone who does has lost themselves.
[ The words hit home. A shadow falls over Kida's expression, mournful and ashamed. Here she is digging at Masamune's thoughts when the answer should have been clear from the start. ]
That is how he thinks of all of us, I am led to believe.
[ She worries for Pearl, then discards the thought in favour of the more immediate. She reaches into the space between them, lays her hand atop Masamune's, twines their fingers. ]
You are no one's plaything, Masamune Date. You are brave, strong, beloved.
[ Masamune smiles in response to her touch— her words —and lowers his head in a an almost shy manner as he curls his fingertips for a gentle hold about hers. Although one may feel words are easy to say and hold little value, Masamune does not adhere to that school of thought. He leans forward to offer a kiss to her brow affectionately in response. ]
Don't worry about me. I can take his bullshit and understand it for what it is. [ He doesn't want Kida to worry that he'll fall into conforming or accepting Gilgamesh's views. He has no plans to reduce himself to that. He owes to her. He owes it to Kojuro. He owes it to himself to keep strong on that. ] There's nothing he can give me by me doing such a thing to make it appealing.
...I had just thought, if she told anyone of these circles, it would have been Gilgamesh because where I refuse to speak magic with her, he gives her all the hope and opportunity of it.
[ Meekly, she admits: ] I did not know she and Gilgamesh were close. Or even talking. [ A beat. ] She never told me of it.
[ It...hurts. Similarly, him admitting that Gilgamesh chases after him hurts in its own way. Why hadn't he told her sooner? Presumably for the same reason he didn't tell Sieglinde about the theft: to protect her. Kida isn't a child, she can see his reasoning--and his reasons for it. Gilgamesh isn't a comfortable presence in her life. They dance on the knife's edge of respect, one completely outclassed by the other.
She scoots forward when he kisses her, tilting her head up to catch his mouth with her own, bringing her free hand up to tangle in his hair. The kiss doesn't stay chaste for long. And yet, when she breaks away from him, her nose is wrinkled again in sadness. ]
You should have told me, about Gilgamesh, I--I would have--
[ Gotten between them, somehow? Protected him? She couldn't have. She simply isn't able to do it, and it's in moment like these where she feels truly weak. ]
[ There is the smallest cant of his head at her sadness proceeding her parting of the kiss. Her expression bothers him, he realizes, but it's also now that he thinks he receives a fair glimpse of what she's been trying to get across to him and so far not been very successful.
It's true, Masamune kept it quiet to protect her as much as not trouble her. It also stood to be said that there was a certain pride of not pulling others into things when not necessary, but...
Had it been as unnecessary as he thinks it? For a moment he's caught back in that hallway and seeing Kojuro for the first time here. He recalls everything—
—but what sticks out most is his falling apart, his tears he hadn't wanted anyone here to see, his frustrations and anger over his situation with the king successfully tearing away at him.
If Kojuro had not come, if he had been forced to keep that in much longer... is that the sort of thing she means when talking to them? To tell people when you are upset or troubled because they are important to you and you want their help? That you know they will reach out to help in response to seeing it needed?
It is an unusual expression to paint his features, but Masamune looks guilty, suddenly. It's why he leans forward to kiss her on the mouth-- short to allow him to speak on his breath before repeating the action -- ]
...Sorry, Kida. I didn't... [ With him unable to properly put the words together, his kisses linger, become longer and ever more affectionate and even apologetic. He speaks with less volume now, finding no use for excuses as he lingers against her lips still. ]
[ She isn't sure what triggered the understanding, only that he looks at her with a knowing sadness, a dawning realization of her pain. Guilt on his face.
Surrounded always by her own people, Kida has almost never had to explain her point of view to someone with a vastly different background. She's never had to bridge cultural gaps, and so far all her attempts have been failures, until now. His kisses are sweet with regret, his voice a tumblr of apologies. She chases his mouth, hands cupping his jaw, noses bumping. ]
I am incensed that I cannot--that I could not help you had I even the means--that that man can exert such control over you, that he frightens me so--
[ She punctuates her words with feverish, angry kisses, her voice crackling with emotion wrenched from her. She's never admitted to that fear. But always when she sees him there's the sharp and visceral disgust of their first meeting, the metal and blood, him holding her down, bearing down with his weight. The bruises on her wrists from his hold, the sharp pain when he'd sliced her cheek and dragged his tongue over her skin unbidden. And the fear. The fear of being unable to do anything, of screaming with no answer, of not knowing when he would stop.
She shakes in Masamune's arms from pain or rage, or both. ]
[ He never would have guessed, especially not with Pearl being Gilgamesh's master, that Kida is actually afraid of him. But, he can understand where it comes from, he thinks, especially if it is in association with a feeling of helplessness. Masamune pulls her a little closer in his arms then. Kida is a proud woman and for her admit that to him... has she resigned herself to their different sides of the same coin, then?
He is unsettled, considering he knows nothing about them past when he first met Kida herself. It's complicated by the fact she feels so much concern for him.
He hugs her close, considering if there is anything meaningful-- something that would be meaningful to her, not to himself --it might be something along these lines. ]
No, Kida, it's okay. And it isn't true you're powerless to help me.
He got what he wanted out of me so I'm pretty sure he'll leave me alone now and find something more interesting.
[ He pauses, forcing a small smile, even if it's a little bitter. He thinks back to how angry he was with himself. How it made his insides acidify and how he had left as soon as he had been physically able to do so and curled up in moody silence against Kojuro's back for a few days, stewing in his pot of negativity. It should have been more satisfying, but with it all said and done, all he feels is as if he's definitely lost and there's no way to spin it as anything else.
Or, that had been the case up until a moment. ] I'm so humiliated by it, and I've got no one to blame but myself. He and Archer warned me.
But... seeing it distress you this much, I am beginning to think I can get past it for the sake of you having less to worry over.
[ He pulls back more now from her, to flop against the back of the couch, but his smile is softer when he looks to Kida once more. ]
That's helping. You may never understand how much it helps, but it does not change the face that it does.
[ His expression falls a little darker now, his smile completely fading. ] I would expect him to treat you fairly with Pearl as his master, but should that not be...
Whether you feel helpless or frightened or both or neither, the princess will have a dragon to help her see anything through.
Besides, even if things weren't over, you are not powerless. There's nothing wrong with feeling afraid.
[ She sighs. How long had he boiled alone in that shame? ]
Pearl is my friend. I love her. But I do not think she will keep a being such as Gilgamesh in check.
[ And that's not said without love, or without compassion; she trusts Pearl with her life, knows her to be a tremendous force of good. But Gilgamesh is like the sun's rays, the tide, the wind of a hurricane. By his very nature, to 'control' him is futile. She can't expect his nature to change. ]
I am not ashamed by my fear, Masamune. Fear keeps us alive, keeps us alert. Fear is a useful tool. I only worry that I allow my fear to get the better of me.
[ Certainly, fear keeps her in check around the Golden King. She knows what lines she cannot cross.
Gathering herself, she swings one leg over, straddling his lap. Chest-to-chest, it's easy to wrap her arms around his shoulders, press their foreheads together. She's smiling now, at least. ]
The protection of a dragon, you say? Quite an offer.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ Masamune tilts his head towards Kida to transition his attention from the ceiling to the wall. ]
I trust him to always act in a way that does not put himself at a disadvantage. He said something to me recently...
[The pause before continuing is only as long as it takes him to remember the words like they were spoken. ]
I oversee humanity and tip the scales as needed to set them on the proper path.
[ ( "You are no different." ) ]
That type of individual can never be changed. I merely can count on him to do certain things in certain ways.
...That's also why I've given up trying to convince Sieglinde to stop being so infatuated and not hang around him.
Does it make sense? [ His question is quite curious with no hint of negativity: he really does want to know if that is something that she can consider as a concrete explanation. ]
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It does make sense, and she nods. She knows Gilgamesh, at least, and she understands Masamune's idea--that Gilgamesh is a fixed point. He's said much the same thing to her, once. ]
He is as he says he is; a force of nature, like the tide, like a hurricane.
[ If nothing else, he doesn't lie about his own nature. She considers Masamune's face, his words. She leans her cheek against the back of the couch. ]
Do you admire him?
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[ He glances at her now, curious. He already told Sieglinde this point so he is a little surprised this doesn't seem to have come up in any conversation that may have been relayed on him and Gilgamesh. Still, he doesn't exactly mind being the first to say t, even if it's not a truth he would go happily boasting in public. ]
...I'm a pet to him, Kida. A play toy. It's almost impossible to admire someone who views you like a possession. I think anyone who does has lost themselves.
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That is how he thinks of all of us, I am led to believe.
[ She worries for Pearl, then discards the thought in favour of the more immediate. She reaches into the space between them, lays her hand atop Masamune's, twines their fingers. ]
You are no one's plaything, Masamune Date. You are brave, strong, beloved.
[ To me goes unspoken. ]
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Don't worry about me. I can take his bullshit and understand it for what it is. [ He doesn't want Kida to worry that he'll fall into conforming or accepting Gilgamesh's views. He has no plans to reduce himself to that. He owes to her. He owes it to Kojuro. He owes it to himself to keep strong on that. ] There's nothing he can give me by me doing such a thing to make it appealing.
...I had just thought, if she told anyone of these circles, it would have been Gilgamesh because where I refuse to speak magic with her, he gives her all the hope and opportunity of it.
no subject
[ It...hurts. Similarly, him admitting that Gilgamesh chases after him hurts in its own way. Why hadn't he told her sooner? Presumably for the same reason he didn't tell Sieglinde about the theft: to protect her. Kida isn't a child, she can see his reasoning--and his reasons for it. Gilgamesh isn't a comfortable presence in her life. They dance on the knife's edge of respect, one completely outclassed by the other.
She scoots forward when he kisses her, tilting her head up to catch his mouth with her own, bringing her free hand up to tangle in his hair. The kiss doesn't stay chaste for long. And yet, when she breaks away from him, her nose is wrinkled again in sadness. ]
You should have told me, about Gilgamesh, I--I would have--
[ Gotten between them, somehow? Protected him? She couldn't have. She simply isn't able to do it, and it's in moment like these where she feels truly weak. ]
no subject
It's true, Masamune kept it quiet to protect her as much as not trouble her. It also stood to be said that there was a certain pride of not pulling others into things when not necessary, but...
Had it been as unnecessary as he thinks it? For a moment he's caught back in that hallway and seeing Kojuro for the first time here. He recalls everything—
—but what sticks out most is his falling apart, his tears he hadn't wanted anyone here to see, his frustrations and anger over his situation with the king successfully tearing away at him.
If Kojuro had not come, if he had been forced to keep that in much longer... is that the sort of thing she means when talking to them? To tell people when you are upset or troubled because they are important to you and you want their help? That you know they will reach out to help in response to seeing it needed?
It is an unusual expression to paint his features, but Masamune looks guilty, suddenly. It's why he leans forward to kiss her on the mouth-- short to allow him to speak on his breath before repeating the action -- ]
...Sorry, Kida. I didn't... [ With him unable to properly put the words together, his kisses linger, become longer and ever more affectionate and even apologetic. He speaks with less volume now, finding no use for excuses as he lingers against her lips still. ]
I'm sorry.
no subject
Surrounded always by her own people, Kida has almost never had to explain her point of view to someone with a vastly different background. She's never had to bridge cultural gaps, and so far all her attempts have been failures, until now. His kisses are sweet with regret, his voice a tumblr of apologies. She chases his mouth, hands cupping his jaw, noses bumping. ]
I am incensed that I cannot--that I could not help you had I even the means--that that man can exert such control over you, that he frightens me so--
[ She punctuates her words with feverish, angry kisses, her voice crackling with emotion wrenched from her. She's never admitted to that fear. But always when she sees him there's the sharp and visceral disgust of their first meeting, the metal and blood, him holding her down, bearing down with his weight. The bruises on her wrists from his hold, the sharp pain when he'd sliced her cheek and dragged his tongue over her skin unbidden. And the fear. The fear of being unable to do anything, of screaming with no answer, of not knowing when he would stop.
She shakes in Masamune's arms from pain or rage, or both. ]
I feel powerless to aid you.
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He is unsettled, considering he knows nothing about them past when he first met Kida herself. It's complicated by the fact she feels so much concern for him.
He hugs her close, considering if there is anything meaningful-- something that would be meaningful to her, not to himself --it might be something along these lines. ]
No, Kida, it's okay. And it isn't true you're powerless to help me.
He got what he wanted out of me so I'm pretty sure he'll leave me alone now and find something more interesting.
[ He pauses, forcing a small smile, even if it's a little bitter. He thinks back to how angry he was with himself. How it made his insides acidify and how he had left as soon as he had been physically able to do so and curled up in moody silence against Kojuro's back for a few days, stewing in his pot of negativity. It should have been more satisfying, but with it all said and done, all he feels is as if he's definitely lost and there's no way to spin it as anything else.
Or, that had been the case up until a moment. ] I'm so humiliated by it, and I've got no one to blame but myself. He and Archer warned me.
But... seeing it distress you this much, I am beginning to think I can get past it for the sake of you having less to worry over.
[ He pulls back more now from her, to flop against the back of the couch, but his smile is softer when he looks to Kida once more. ]
That's helping. You may never understand how much it helps, but it does not change the face that it does.
[ His expression falls a little darker now, his smile completely fading. ] I would expect him to treat you fairly with Pearl as his master, but should that not be...
Whether you feel helpless or frightened or both or neither, the princess will have a dragon to help her see anything through.
Besides, even if things weren't over, you are not powerless. There's nothing wrong with feeling afraid.
no subject
Pearl is my friend. I love her. But I do not think she will keep a being such as Gilgamesh in check.
[ And that's not said without love, or without compassion; she trusts Pearl with her life, knows her to be a tremendous force of good. But Gilgamesh is like the sun's rays, the tide, the wind of a hurricane. By his very nature, to 'control' him is futile. She can't expect his nature to change. ]
I am not ashamed by my fear, Masamune. Fear keeps us alive, keeps us alert. Fear is a useful tool. I only worry that I allow my fear to get the better of me.
[ Certainly, fear keeps her in check around the Golden King. She knows what lines she cannot cross.
Gathering herself, she swings one leg over, straddling his lap. Chest-to-chest, it's easy to wrap her arms around his shoulders, press their foreheads together. She's smiling now, at least. ]
The protection of a dragon, you say? Quite an offer.
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[ He does very much like her smiling better, so he's glad to return a smile to her, letting his arms wrap around her lower back loosely. ]
Only when you want it, of course. I know you are more than capable of taking care to protect yourself.