[ She isn't sure what triggered the understanding, only that he looks at her with a knowing sadness, a dawning realization of her pain. Guilt on his face.
Surrounded always by her own people, Kida has almost never had to explain her point of view to someone with a vastly different background. She's never had to bridge cultural gaps, and so far all her attempts have been failures, until now. His kisses are sweet with regret, his voice a tumblr of apologies. She chases his mouth, hands cupping his jaw, noses bumping. ]
I am incensed that I cannot--that I could not help you had I even the means--that that man can exert such control over you, that he frightens me so--
[ She punctuates her words with feverish, angry kisses, her voice crackling with emotion wrenched from her. She's never admitted to that fear. But always when she sees him there's the sharp and visceral disgust of their first meeting, the metal and blood, him holding her down, bearing down with his weight. The bruises on her wrists from his hold, the sharp pain when he'd sliced her cheek and dragged his tongue over her skin unbidden. And the fear. The fear of being unable to do anything, of screaming with no answer, of not knowing when he would stop.
She shakes in Masamune's arms from pain or rage, or both. ]
[ He never would have guessed, especially not with Pearl being Gilgamesh's master, that Kida is actually afraid of him. But, he can understand where it comes from, he thinks, especially if it is in association with a feeling of helplessness. Masamune pulls her a little closer in his arms then. Kida is a proud woman and for her admit that to him... has she resigned herself to their different sides of the same coin, then?
He is unsettled, considering he knows nothing about them past when he first met Kida herself. It's complicated by the fact she feels so much concern for him.
He hugs her close, considering if there is anything meaningful-- something that would be meaningful to her, not to himself --it might be something along these lines. ]
No, Kida, it's okay. And it isn't true you're powerless to help me.
He got what he wanted out of me so I'm pretty sure he'll leave me alone now and find something more interesting.
[ He pauses, forcing a small smile, even if it's a little bitter. He thinks back to how angry he was with himself. How it made his insides acidify and how he had left as soon as he had been physically able to do so and curled up in moody silence against Kojuro's back for a few days, stewing in his pot of negativity. It should have been more satisfying, but with it all said and done, all he feels is as if he's definitely lost and there's no way to spin it as anything else.
Or, that had been the case up until a moment. ] I'm so humiliated by it, and I've got no one to blame but myself. He and Archer warned me.
But... seeing it distress you this much, I am beginning to think I can get past it for the sake of you having less to worry over.
[ He pulls back more now from her, to flop against the back of the couch, but his smile is softer when he looks to Kida once more. ]
That's helping. You may never understand how much it helps, but it does not change the face that it does.
[ His expression falls a little darker now, his smile completely fading. ] I would expect him to treat you fairly with Pearl as his master, but should that not be...
Whether you feel helpless or frightened or both or neither, the princess will have a dragon to help her see anything through.
Besides, even if things weren't over, you are not powerless. There's nothing wrong with feeling afraid.
[ She sighs. How long had he boiled alone in that shame? ]
Pearl is my friend. I love her. But I do not think she will keep a being such as Gilgamesh in check.
[ And that's not said without love, or without compassion; she trusts Pearl with her life, knows her to be a tremendous force of good. But Gilgamesh is like the sun's rays, the tide, the wind of a hurricane. By his very nature, to 'control' him is futile. She can't expect his nature to change. ]
I am not ashamed by my fear, Masamune. Fear keeps us alive, keeps us alert. Fear is a useful tool. I only worry that I allow my fear to get the better of me.
[ Certainly, fear keeps her in check around the Golden King. She knows what lines she cannot cross.
Gathering herself, she swings one leg over, straddling his lap. Chest-to-chest, it's easy to wrap her arms around his shoulders, press their foreheads together. She's smiling now, at least. ]
The protection of a dragon, you say? Quite an offer.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Surrounded always by her own people, Kida has almost never had to explain her point of view to someone with a vastly different background. She's never had to bridge cultural gaps, and so far all her attempts have been failures, until now. His kisses are sweet with regret, his voice a tumblr of apologies. She chases his mouth, hands cupping his jaw, noses bumping. ]
I am incensed that I cannot--that I could not help you had I even the means--that that man can exert such control over you, that he frightens me so--
[ She punctuates her words with feverish, angry kisses, her voice crackling with emotion wrenched from her. She's never admitted to that fear. But always when she sees him there's the sharp and visceral disgust of their first meeting, the metal and blood, him holding her down, bearing down with his weight. The bruises on her wrists from his hold, the sharp pain when he'd sliced her cheek and dragged his tongue over her skin unbidden. And the fear. The fear of being unable to do anything, of screaming with no answer, of not knowing when he would stop.
She shakes in Masamune's arms from pain or rage, or both. ]
I feel powerless to aid you.
no subject
He is unsettled, considering he knows nothing about them past when he first met Kida herself. It's complicated by the fact she feels so much concern for him.
He hugs her close, considering if there is anything meaningful-- something that would be meaningful to her, not to himself --it might be something along these lines. ]
No, Kida, it's okay. And it isn't true you're powerless to help me.
He got what he wanted out of me so I'm pretty sure he'll leave me alone now and find something more interesting.
[ He pauses, forcing a small smile, even if it's a little bitter. He thinks back to how angry he was with himself. How it made his insides acidify and how he had left as soon as he had been physically able to do so and curled up in moody silence against Kojuro's back for a few days, stewing in his pot of negativity. It should have been more satisfying, but with it all said and done, all he feels is as if he's definitely lost and there's no way to spin it as anything else.
Or, that had been the case up until a moment. ] I'm so humiliated by it, and I've got no one to blame but myself. He and Archer warned me.
But... seeing it distress you this much, I am beginning to think I can get past it for the sake of you having less to worry over.
[ He pulls back more now from her, to flop against the back of the couch, but his smile is softer when he looks to Kida once more. ]
That's helping. You may never understand how much it helps, but it does not change the face that it does.
[ His expression falls a little darker now, his smile completely fading. ] I would expect him to treat you fairly with Pearl as his master, but should that not be...
Whether you feel helpless or frightened or both or neither, the princess will have a dragon to help her see anything through.
Besides, even if things weren't over, you are not powerless. There's nothing wrong with feeling afraid.
no subject
Pearl is my friend. I love her. But I do not think she will keep a being such as Gilgamesh in check.
[ And that's not said without love, or without compassion; she trusts Pearl with her life, knows her to be a tremendous force of good. But Gilgamesh is like the sun's rays, the tide, the wind of a hurricane. By his very nature, to 'control' him is futile. She can't expect his nature to change. ]
I am not ashamed by my fear, Masamune. Fear keeps us alive, keeps us alert. Fear is a useful tool. I only worry that I allow my fear to get the better of me.
[ Certainly, fear keeps her in check around the Golden King. She knows what lines she cannot cross.
Gathering herself, she swings one leg over, straddling his lap. Chest-to-chest, it's easy to wrap her arms around his shoulders, press their foreheads together. She's smiling now, at least. ]
The protection of a dragon, you say? Quite an offer.
no subject
[ He does very much like her smiling better, so he's glad to return a smile to her, letting his arms wrap around her lower back loosely. ]
Only when you want it, of course. I know you are more than capable of taking care to protect yourself.