[ It sounds like a trick question, but he's not sure. Glancing up at her, he looks a bit curious. ]
Yeah.
[ Masamune hasn't had many friends in his life. (Kojuro would be considered the first but even then his role is different than that of a friend. So, really, his first friend would have been Yukimura.)
Still, he can't imagine anything less for someone such as Kida. Although he can't help but toss the question back at her, now. ]
[ She doesn't feel like a friend. But then, perhaps they just haven't known each other long enough.
She resists the impulse to lay out next to him, to drape over his chest and press her face into his neck. It would be comfortable; he's comfortable. She wishes she didn't want to question him so badly. ]
I think so. I consider you my friend.
[ But she's never seen his face. But he doesn't speak to her, doesn't trust her, not fully. Maybe she simply hasn't earned it, yet. Maybe he's always been slower to trust than she is. This was meant to be easy, so why is it so complicated?
No, she decides. She doesn't want to sit on this hesitation and just let it grow into a rift. ]
[ Kida is saying it like Sieglinde does-- about secrets. Masamune doesn't seem to understand. He's never understood Sieglinde's constant claims, either, though, and somehow it's never the reverse. So this isn't as out-of-the-blue of a reaction as it may seem initially. ]
You stole from Sieglinde, right before me! As if it were nothing! You are injured and say nothing, you obfuscate when I ask you questions--[ 'How old are you, Masamune?' 'Can we get back to being twelve?' ]--it is as if you do not trust me.
[ He looks at her for a moment longer after she goes silent before looking away as he shifts his position a little. It may be out of getting a more comfortable position, although chances are equally likely it is a manner of fidgeting from being put on the spot. ]
It's not that I don't trust you. Those examples all have slightly different reasonings as to why I did them [ --or still do them-- ] but it's got nothing to do with me trusting you or not.
For example... the thing with Sieglinde [ Since that was mentioned just moments ago ]; why would I drag you into something that would potentially hurt your relationship with her?
[ He is quiet for several seconds, trying to keep his composure. ]
I didn't ask her because I was sure it was something of her mother's. I don't know how much of that she's been fed as lies that she still is carrying around as truth.
As for you-- did you even know anything about it? I didn't think you knew any more than I did or of course I would have asked you about it.
It is not about knowledge--you went behind both of our backs, Masamune!
[ What she means is, whatever she knew should have been irrelevant in the face of what that paper meant to Sieglinde; how could he have not anticipated this fallout?
Would he really only have said anything if she was useful to him? He would never have thought of double-checking this plan with anyone? Kida could have spoken to Sieglinde on his behalf, if nothing else. ]
[ It seems they both want to hammer this in but while he understands on principle the issue they have with it, the circumstances don't make him feel as if he was supposed to look at it the same way. ]
The only way I could be sure was if a third party was brought in and not with her knowing. She was in such a state I really didn't believe she would tell me anything about it. [ He gives a small wave of his hand. ] I don't talk magic garbage with her as it is.
[ He's shutting down. She can see it, in the way he's tightening, coiling like a serpent ready to strike. Her hands ball into fists in response. ]
Masamune, she is a child! [ How can he not see the damage he's wrought? ] All she has ever been is betrayed! What do you think she sees when she looks at you, now?
[ She lets that statement hang.
They told her she wasn't alone. One of them lied. ]
[ It's amazing how she can make him feel that same feeling of being cornered just as Gilgamesh does but in a completely different way. He lashes out once, irrationally defensive. ]
—I don't care what she sees! [ That's a big lie. It's also something he doesn't like to face, even on a good day. ] You're right; She is a child. Am I supposed to trust a child to know when she is hurting herself when that's all she's ever been taught how to do—!?
You saw how she acted that day; she didn't even want us to look nevermind ask. Are you telling me I'm just supposed to sit on my hands and let her rot from the inside out without her even realizing it because she'll feel betrayed if I go against her?
I would rather her hate me. [ He folds his arms and looks away from Kida in an attempt to somehow reground himself. He can't get sucked in by his emotions any further, and he needs put out what's been ignited in him now thus far-- if he wants to save face on some level. Resorting to reacting emotionally will just make everything worse. He waves a hand dismissively. ] I'm used to being hated, it's nothing new for me.
[ At least Sieglinde's reasons are far less psychotic and reasonanle than his own mother's. ]
[ She rises up to meet him like a cresting wave. They're chest-to-chest, his glancing voice battering against her. She grits her teeth. ]
Do not lie to me!
[ I would rather her hate me, he says. And to her face! The gall. What is he hiding from? He's not a man of words. His body betrays him, he doesn't have the eloquence he needs to disguise himself. ]
You love her. You love her or you would have not acted at all!
[ She lets those words hang in the air, nose wrinkled, lips pulled back but barely. It's a long second before some of that energy fades. ]
What I am telling you--[ she presses a hand against his chest, pushing him back a bit, punctuated her statement. ]--is that you made the wrong choice with the right intention, Masamune. There is no need for the both of you to hurt!
I didn't say I want her to hate me, I said I preferred it to doing nothing!
[ It's hard, though, to yell over her, especially when Kida's hand presses ip against his his chest and the statement leaves her lips fully. Masamune's desire to yell and otherwise push a different facade (like that of controlled indifference) leaves him abruptly.
So far he has not been able to connect with Kida and her view of the events in question, exactly, but those are words that he can't-- and won't --try to deny the truth of. ]
... I know. [ He does understand it was the wrong decision in this instance m but to simply admit and apologize is not so easy when he feels he and the other party are not seeing it the same way. Her claim is sound and crystal clear, now, without room to wonder what this queen-to-be is thinking. There's no way to deny it or nitpick it apart back into messss of grey. Without a word, the warlord closes his eyes, clenching a fist tightly, as he forces himself to settle back down by taking a seat on the couch once more. ]
. . .She isn't going to listen as she is in the height of her feelings right now. And I can't have her easily connected to me as someone important if we are not on well enough terms that I can protect her properly.
At least, if she festers in some hate for me, it'll look less obvious to the outside how I feel about her. That has to be the better option to putting her at risk. [ Right? ]
[ She breathes out. His aggressiveness seems to have left him, and hers follows. ]
You are not at war here, Masamune. There is nothing to hide.
[ And if he has enemies he believes might target her--Sieglinde has enough allies to assure her protection.
For Kida, this has always been an obvious truth: passions are fleeting and that quick burn makes them worth pursuing. Friendships, bonds are lasting and worth nurturing. Emotion is not a weakness; hearts break, and become more flexible the more and more they are repaired. At least, that's been her experience. ]
No...? [ he asks it quietly, but the intonation suggests he isn't challenging her in this, either. Kida and Masamune have different experiences with ALASTAIR members, and she certainly has many more in quantity suggesting she is in the better position to claim such than he.
But, it is difficult for someone who was born into a warring period to understand the difference, too, so even if she weren't... well, she would still arguably have the clearer perspective. Thousands of years is a long time to reflect.
Regardless, he exhales heavily from his nostrils to attempt working out any lingering agitations. He's not quite sure if it's true or not on the idea of hiding, but he understands the general overall notion and why it is stated. ]
Okay... so, I will learn from it and see that I don't do it again.
[ It doesn't sound quite so natural, like he's only acquiescing to please her, rather than understanding her words. She doesn't want to press the issue any further; now that her energy has waned she realizes how tired she is.
She lifts a hand, cups his cheek, considers his face. Handsome and proud.
She's lived such a sheltered life, she thinks. In comparison, this man at twenty-three has probably seen more of the world, experienced more, than she has in millennia. Perhaps they will never bridge the gap. Perhaps that's why they are failing to communicate now.
Coming here, she hadn't wanted a fight. She'd wanted to settle down in his arms, speak with him a bit about Sieglinde, feel his warmth. But she's too wound up now, and moves apart from him again. ]
Very well. [ Her hand drops away, and she moves towards the door again. ] I am sorry to have disturbed you, I--I did not mean to...
—Stay. [ He says it with absolute neutrality, although he reaches out to catch her wrist with his hand before she gets out of his reach and away. ] ... I want you to stay. [ The young Date lord is used to getting his way, for dismissing other people's wants and desires; but what he isn't used to is needing to try and take such progressive steps with people he knows.
He simply hasn't had that much opportunity for practice. He has had practice in identifying at least one thing that is present here, though. ]
Why are you running away from me all of a sudden?
You— [ Masamune tugs, attempting to pull her back towards him, as well, but will not press his luck. Even so, his grip is powerful and he has no intention of lettering her wander off without answering him, either. ] who will stand toe-to-toe with me and bare teeth in the heat of the moment without a second's thought of backing down. What is it that is taking that away from you and making you want to go the other way under far safer circumstances?
[ He hesitates, but then adds: ] This is twice now, you see?
[ Masamune's frustration over this observation of his is rather clear, especially when his follow-up question is reminiscent of a growl. It's hard to assess just how much, though. ]
What is it you need that I am lacking compared to them? It seems important enough for you to feel guilty and apologize for, but perhaps not important enough to avoid again...? [ The last question isn't actually a feeling he's even remotely experiencing, but rarely do people admit easily one way or another about things they let lie quiet until they feel accused of something they feel is definitively true... or definitively false. ]
[ His fingers curl around her wrist before she has a chance to turn fully, and she's being tugged back against him. She puts up a cursory fight, but it's not enough to stop him, and she doesn't entirely want to. She could break his grip if she needed; she doesn't. ]
I did not come here to fight you. To upset you. [ But that's what she did; it made sense to give them space, to give him space to sort things out--but then he continues to speak, and her nose curls up, brows furrowing deep. ] Lacking? Compared to whom?
[ She's confused, now. He sounds like a jilted lover, but isn't he the one who said she owed him nothing? ]
[ 'You girls'. Which girls? All women? Or is he really conflating the emotional needs of a grown woman with that of a child? ]
Is that what you think of me? That I would be indiscrete simply because I am upset with you? [ Gods. Does she need to spell this out? ]
When I am upset I take time to myself, to reorder my thoughts, to gain distance. I seek friends when the matter requires discussion--but if I was so upset with you that I could not overcome my own thoughts, Masamune, it is you I would seek out.
[ Isn't this conversation proof enough? She sought him out. She apologized, explained herself. ]
I have told no one of--us. So you may rest easy knowing I do not gossip about you as 'girls' do.
Actually, I just meant go hang out with someone else because they have a quality I don't that will make you not mad.
[ He sighs, looking almost put-out by his failure to realize that's how his words would be interpreted. ]
...But, gossip is a good point, too. [ Especially since that's how Kida received her information concerning him talking to Gilgamesh about magic circles. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Yeah.
[ Masamune hasn't had many friends in his life. (Kojuro would be considered the first but even then his role is different than that of a friend. So, really, his first friend would have been Yukimura.)
Still, he can't imagine anything less for someone such as Kida. Although he can't help but toss the question back at her, now. ]
Right?
no subject
She resists the impulse to lay out next to him, to drape over his chest and press her face into his neck. It would be comfortable; he's comfortable. She wishes she didn't want to question him so badly. ]
I think so. I consider you my friend.
[ But she's never seen his face. But he doesn't speak to her, doesn't trust her, not fully. Maybe she simply hasn't earned it, yet. Maybe he's always been slower to trust than she is. This was meant to be easy, so why is it so complicated?
No, she decides. She doesn't want to sit on this hesitation and just let it grow into a rift. ]
So why keep so many secrets?
no subject
Secrets like... what?
no subject
You stole from Sieglinde, right before me! As if it were nothing! You are injured and say nothing, you obfuscate when I ask you questions--[ 'How old are you, Masamune?' 'Can we get back to being twelve?' ]--it is as if you do not trust me.
no subject
It's not that I don't trust you. Those examples all have slightly different reasonings as to why I did them [ --or still do them-- ] but it's got nothing to do with me trusting you or not.
For example... the thing with Sieglinde [ Since that was mentioned just moments ago ]; why would I drag you into something that would potentially hurt your relationship with her?
no subject
But you saw fit to drag in Gilgamesh?
[ Of all the people he could've asked... ]
no subject
Masamune's brow creases. Man, the girls sure are on a rampage over the royal rich bitch's involvement here. ]
Hey, don't make it sound like something it's not. He was the most likely person to know if they were really magic circles or not.
no subject
That is a lie.
[ It's not, really, and she knows, but she has a hard time seeing past her vehement dislike of Gilgamesh himself, tenuous tolerance wearing thin. ]
You went to him first.
[ And that's the bigger issue: that Masamune would sooner trust Gilgamesh than Sieglinde herself. ]
no subject
Who should I have gone to first? If anyone, I figured she would have spoken to him about it.
no subject
[ Obvious...ly? ] To me, to anyone but for that--snake!
[ She opens her palms, brows knitted together. ]
Why did you not simply ask?
no subject
I didn't ask her because I was sure it was something of her mother's. I don't know how much of that she's been fed as lies that she still is carrying around as truth.
As for you-- did you even know anything about it? I didn't think you knew any more than I did or of course I would have asked you about it.
no subject
It is not about knowledge--you went behind both of our backs, Masamune!
[ What she means is, whatever she knew should have been irrelevant in the face of what that paper meant to Sieglinde; how could he have not anticipated this fallout?
Would he really only have said anything if she was useful to him? He would never have thought of double-checking this plan with anyone? Kida could have spoken to Sieglinde on his behalf, if nothing else. ]
no subject
[ It seems they both want to hammer this in but while he understands on principle the issue they have with it, the circumstances don't make him feel as if he was supposed to look at it the same way. ]
The only way I could be sure was if a third party was brought in and not with her knowing. She was in such a state I really didn't believe she would tell me anything about it. [ He gives a small wave of his hand. ] I don't talk magic garbage with her as it is.
no subject
Masamune, she is a child! [ How can he not see the damage he's wrought? ] All she has ever been is betrayed! What do you think she sees when she looks at you, now?
[ She lets that statement hang.
They told her she wasn't alone. One of them lied. ]
no subject
—I don't care what she sees! [ That's a big lie. It's also something he doesn't like to face, even on a good day. ] You're right; She is a child. Am I supposed to trust a child to know when she is hurting herself when that's all she's ever been taught how to do—!?
You saw how she acted that day; she didn't even want us to look nevermind ask. Are you telling me I'm just supposed to sit on my hands and let her rot from the inside out without her even realizing it because she'll feel betrayed if I go against her?
I would rather her hate me. [ He folds his arms and looks away from Kida in an attempt to somehow reground himself. He can't get sucked in by his emotions any further, and he needs put out what's been ignited in him now thus far-- if he wants to save face on some level. Resorting to reacting emotionally will just make everything worse. He waves a hand dismissively. ] I'm used to being hated, it's nothing new for me.
[ At least Sieglinde's reasons are far less psychotic and reasonanle than his own mother's. ]
no subject
Do not lie to me!
[ I would rather her hate me, he says. And to her face! The gall. What is he hiding from? He's not a man of words. His body betrays him, he doesn't have the eloquence he needs to disguise himself. ]
You love her. You love her or you would have not acted at all!
[ She lets those words hang in the air, nose wrinkled, lips pulled back but barely. It's a long second before some of that energy fades. ]
What I am telling you--[ she presses a hand against his chest, pushing him back a bit, punctuated her statement. ]--is that you made the wrong choice with the right intention, Masamune. There is no need for the both of you to hurt!
no subject
[ It's hard, though, to yell over her, especially when Kida's hand presses ip against his his chest and the statement leaves her lips fully. Masamune's desire to yell and otherwise push a different facade (like that of controlled indifference) leaves him abruptly.
So far he has not been able to connect with Kida and her view of the events in question, exactly, but those are words that he can't-- and won't --try to deny the truth of. ]
... I know. [ He does understand it was the wrong decision in this instance m but to simply admit and apologize is not so easy when he feels he and the other party are not seeing it the same way. Her claim is sound and crystal clear, now, without room to wonder what this queen-to-be is thinking. There's no way to deny it or nitpick it apart back into messss of grey. Without a word, the warlord closes his eyes, clenching a fist tightly, as he forces himself to settle back down by taking a seat on the couch once more. ]
. . .She isn't going to listen as she is in the height of her feelings right now. And I can't have her easily connected to me as someone important if we are not on well enough terms that I can protect her properly.
At least, if she festers in some hate for me, it'll look less obvious to the outside how I feel about her. That has to be the better option to putting her at risk. [ Right? ]
no subject
You are not at war here, Masamune. There is nothing to hide.
[ And if he has enemies he believes might target her--Sieglinde has enough allies to assure her protection.
For Kida, this has always been an obvious truth: passions are fleeting and that quick burn makes them worth pursuing. Friendships, bonds are lasting and worth nurturing. Emotion is not a weakness; hearts break, and become more flexible the more and more they are repaired. At least, that's been her experience. ]
no subject
But, it is difficult for someone who was born into a warring period to understand the difference, too, so even if she weren't... well, she would still arguably have the clearer perspective. Thousands of years is a long time to reflect.
Regardless, he exhales heavily from his nostrils to attempt working out any lingering agitations. He's not quite sure if it's true or not on the idea of hiding, but he understands the general overall notion and why it is stated. ]
Okay... so, I will learn from it and see that I don't do it again.
no subject
She lifts a hand, cups his cheek, considers his face. Handsome and proud.
She's lived such a sheltered life, she thinks. In comparison, this man at twenty-three has probably seen more of the world, experienced more, than she has in millennia. Perhaps they will never bridge the gap. Perhaps that's why they are failing to communicate now.
Coming here, she hadn't wanted a fight. She'd wanted to settle down in his arms, speak with him a bit about Sieglinde, feel his warmth. But she's too wound up now, and moves apart from him again. ]
Very well. [ Her hand drops away, and she moves towards the door again. ] I am sorry to have disturbed you, I--I did not mean to...
no subject
He simply hasn't had that much opportunity for practice. He has had practice in identifying at least one thing that is present here, though. ]
Why are you running away from me all of a sudden?
You— [ Masamune tugs, attempting to pull her back towards him, as well, but will not press his luck. Even so, his grip is powerful and he has no intention of lettering her wander off without answering him, either. ] who will stand toe-to-toe with me and bare teeth in the heat of the moment without a second's thought of backing down. What is it that is taking that away from you and making you want to go the other way under far safer circumstances?
[ He hesitates, but then adds: ] This is twice now, you see?
[ Masamune's frustration over this observation of his is rather clear, especially when his follow-up question is reminiscent of a growl. It's hard to assess just how much, though. ]
What is it you need that I am lacking compared to them? It seems important enough for you to feel guilty and apologize for, but perhaps not important enough to avoid again...? [ The last question isn't actually a feeling he's even remotely experiencing, but rarely do people admit easily one way or another about things they let lie quiet until they feel accused of something they feel is definitively true... or definitively false. ]
no subject
I did not come here to fight you. To upset you. [ But that's what she did; it made sense to give them space, to give him space to sort things out--but then he continues to speak, and her nose curls up, brows furrowing deep. ] Lacking? Compared to whom?
[ She's confused, now. He sounds like a jilted lover, but isn't he the one who said she owed him nothing? ]
no subject
I don't know. Whoever you go to when you think leaving is the best.
[ Masamune cants his head slightly before letting go of her wrist prior to speaking. ]
Or are you telling me that you girls just go about sitting by yourselves after leaving a disagreement that's not resolved?
[ Glancing off in an idle manner to avert his gaze, Masamune adds to his question with a statement softer in tone. ]
I'm fine. It's not a big deal. If it was, I would tell you to leave.
no subject
Is that what you think of me? That I would be indiscrete simply because I am upset with you? [ Gods. Does she need to spell this out? ]
When I am upset I take time to myself, to reorder my thoughts, to gain distance. I seek friends when the matter requires discussion--but if I was so upset with you that I could not overcome my own thoughts, Masamune, it is you I would seek out.
[ Isn't this conversation proof enough? She sought him out. She apologized, explained herself. ]
I have told no one of--us. So you may rest easy knowing I do not gossip about you as 'girls' do.
no subject
[ He sighs, looking almost put-out by his failure to realize that's how his words would be interpreted. ]
...But, gossip is a good point, too. [ Especially since that's how Kida received her information concerning him talking to Gilgamesh about magic circles. ]
I'm glad we cleared that up, too.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)