[ On Masamune's end, his brow creases and silence hangs. He's trying to think of something to say effectively in response but it's not coming to mind. He finally answers, sounding a little helpless because these are useless pathetic words coming out of his mouth here but he can't think of anything else. ]
That's... not... I mean... maybe a little? I don't know but it's not what I felt was done out of spite. I just figured you did it because... you could.
I will not offer you any apologies. You do not want them and I've no desire to give them.
[Gilgamesh has been forced to bend, been shamed into bowing his head, but this is his absolute limit. He cannot show remorse for something that is inherent to his own existence. Wild, uncontrollable, blazing as the fire. Perhaps he was sentient, but that did not hinder his destructive tendencies in the slightest.
If anything, it only made them worse.]
The only fault you bear was in accepting a love you did not rightly know, because you are human, because you thought "I would like to belong".
[ he doubts only because they weren't that close when looked at properly. Masamune may have been a little smitten in the idea from the fantasy of their second meeting... but it was one instance.
His mouth feels dry, the back of his throat aches but he decides, just this once, because Gilgamesh is trying to communicate, he will try to also and hopefully clear the air. ]
It's the first "love" anyone's ever given me even if it was twisted or fake or anything else— I'll take what I can get and I'll accept my fault in that. It's my fault is I wanted to believe you so badly that I actually hoped you could do what you said, that you wouldn't get bored and lose interest. What's my fault is I let it bother me like I didn't know it was coming from the very start when you didn't.
I was jealous and hurt because I really just thought... maybe because of your life and everything you went through, too... being alone and always feeling like you were doomed to observe and never experience... that just maybe you would never cross the line of lying to me about keeping me and paying attention to me. That you wouldn't dismiss me when you got bored, that you really wouldn't discard or hate me no matter what. That you wouldn't bother to extend that towards me if it wasn't sincere in some way because why would you go that far to hurt me?
But, then our encounter in Campina helped me figure it out... and that was that I did something very wrong if your assumption was what it was. I missed something or otherwise failed to give you something, because it's clear after hearing you and Hakuno, after hearing Vietnam and Hakuno discuss you towards me, that they know there's a very different side of you that pushes them to think better of you.
I get it now. I don't like it, but I get it. I don't hate you or want you to suffer for what you did to me. This is about Hakuno and you. I am angry with you for hurting Hakuno, especially over something that didn't exist to begin with. If you make it up to Hakuno and she accepts you back, if your wife continues to praise you as trying to make progress, if you can at least keep them happy... then I'll be happiest with you. Do you understand?
[ But, overall? I really... think I would have just rather remained in your Gate locked away than deal the sting of hurt that I can't seem to get rid of. ]
[This time, when Gilgamesh smiles, Masamune will hear it in his tone.]
I always expected that a warrior of Edo would be vicious, cold-hearted. A machine built for battle. That is how most Servants to be, at least. Love and affection are not chief concerns for us. We are meant to hurt and to be hurt in turn, because we come from turbulent times and places of great misfortune.
[And he still strongly feels that any Masamune Date summoned by the Grail would conform to his expectations. And yet... there's at least one reality in which that isn't true. Something he did not foresee. Maybe he was also caught off guard, in the end. At any rate, it would seem he got what he was angling for: acknowledgment and a willingness to move ahead.
He wonders if Hakuno would still consider this sort of strategy self-serving, though.]
How did you turn out so differently? That even when someone strips you of all dignity, still you would say to them, "so long as everyone is happy"?
[ He sits, hugging his knees and playing with the Sphinx kitten that rolls around in front of him with a long feather it tries to catch. ]
Hn... Because, I'm a warrior during battle and on a battlefield, not off of it. They say I'm completely different on the battlefield, and it's not always for the better.
Besides, if I can't have what I really want, my choice is to wallow in it or suck it up and compromise somewhere, right?
[ he feels like he is being called squishy or something. ]
So don't get any weird ideas over it about me... or anything. I didn't get the reputation as the one-eyed dragon because I just like them or anything. [ /huff!!? ]
Heh! That's what you have a wife with long hair for. [ a master, too, if she's feeling generous... annnd a knight lady king, too. All these cute girls with long hair. ]
However lacking, I'm certain I could find a use for yours.
[Said master would kill him if she knew he was playing the flirtatious angle again. Thankfully, he's sure this is one conversation she'll never catch wind of.]
But as you will, Masamune. Perhaps I'll see you some other time.
[ She will not, especially considering Masamune doesn't see it as that. ]
That's very smooth, but you don't have to waste effort pretending, you know. I already said I would assist you where you require it.
[ His voice is at least friendly despite the accusation, he doesn't sound like he's holding a grudge or is as bitter as his confession made him sound. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
That's... not... I mean... maybe a little? I don't know but it's not what I felt was done out of spite. I just figured you did it because... you could.
no subject
[Gilgamesh has been forced to bend, been shamed into bowing his head, but this is his absolute limit. He cannot show remorse for something that is inherent to his own existence. Wild, uncontrollable, blazing as the fire. Perhaps he was sentient, but that did not hinder his destructive tendencies in the slightest.
If anything, it only made them worse.]
The only fault you bear was in accepting a love you did not rightly know, because you are human, because you thought "I would like to belong".
no subject
[ he doubts only because they weren't that close when looked at properly. Masamune may have been a little smitten in the idea from the fantasy of their second meeting... but it was one instance.
His mouth feels dry, the back of his throat aches but he decides, just this once, because Gilgamesh is trying to communicate, he will try to also and hopefully clear the air. ]
It's the first "love" anyone's ever given me even if it was twisted or fake or anything else— I'll take what I can get and I'll accept my fault in that. It's my fault is I wanted to believe you so badly that I actually hoped you could do what you said, that you wouldn't get bored and lose interest. What's my fault is I let it bother me like I didn't know it was coming from the very start when you didn't.
I was jealous and hurt because I really just thought... maybe because of your life and everything you went through, too... being alone and always feeling like you were doomed to observe and never experience... that just maybe you would never cross the line of lying to me about keeping me and paying attention to me. That you wouldn't dismiss me when you got bored, that you really wouldn't discard or hate me no matter what. That you wouldn't bother to extend that towards me if it wasn't sincere in some way because why would you go that far to hurt me?
But, then our encounter in Campina helped me figure it out... and that was that I did something very wrong if your assumption was what it was. I missed something or otherwise failed to give you something, because it's clear after hearing you and Hakuno, after hearing Vietnam and Hakuno discuss you towards me, that they know there's a very different side of you that pushes them to think better of you.
I get it now. I don't like it, but I get it. I don't hate you or want you to suffer for what you did to me. This is about Hakuno and you. I am angry with you for hurting Hakuno, especially over something that didn't exist to begin with. If you make it up to Hakuno and she accepts you back, if your wife continues to praise you as trying to make progress, if you can at least keep them happy... then I'll be happiest with you. Do you understand?
[ But, overall? I really... think I would have just rather remained in your Gate locked away than deal the sting of hurt that I can't seem to get rid of. ]
no subject
I always expected that a warrior of Edo would be vicious, cold-hearted. A machine built for battle. That is how most Servants to be, at least. Love and affection are not chief concerns for us. We are meant to hurt and to be hurt in turn, because we come from turbulent times and places of great misfortune.
[And he still strongly feels that any Masamune Date summoned by the Grail would conform to his expectations. And yet... there's at least one reality in which that isn't true. Something he did not foresee. Maybe he was also caught off guard, in the end. At any rate, it would seem he got what he was angling for: acknowledgment and a willingness to move ahead.
He wonders if Hakuno would still consider this sort of strategy self-serving, though.]
How did you turn out so differently? That even when someone strips you of all dignity, still you would say to them, "so long as everyone is happy"?
[He sounds baffled. But pleasantly so.]
no subject
Hn... Because, I'm a warrior during battle and on a battlefield, not off of it. They say I'm completely different on the battlefield, and it's not always for the better.
Besides, if I can't have what I really want, my choice is to wallow in it or suck it up and compromise somewhere, right?
[ he feels like he is being called squishy or something. ]
So don't get any weird ideas over it about me... or anything. I didn't get the reputation as the one-eyed dragon because I just like them or anything. [ /huff!!? ]
no subject
[That went better than expected. For once, he decides to quit while he's ahead.]
You know, there is a festival in Tel'Adre today. The people of this world are celebrating spring. I thought you might like to come.
no subject
Ha? And how exactly are they doing that?
[ the world capital of no decency necessary. ]
no subject
[Well, it isn't a complete lie...]
no subject
Like by using the stems to stick up people's butts or something?
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
[Said master would kill him if she knew he was playing the flirtatious angle again. Thankfully, he's sure this is one conversation she'll never catch wind of.]
But as you will, Masamune. Perhaps I'll see you some other time.
no subject
That's very smooth, but you don't have to waste effort pretending, you know. I already said I would assist you where you require it.
[ His voice is at least friendly despite the accusation, he doesn't sound like he's holding a grudge or is as bitter as his confession made him sound. ]
Enjoy your time with your flowers, Gilgamesh.
no subject
[Peace. What an ironic note to end on.]