[ he doubts only because they weren't that close when looked at properly. Masamune may have been a little smitten in the idea from the fantasy of their second meeting... but it was one instance.
His mouth feels dry, the back of his throat aches but he decides, just this once, because Gilgamesh is trying to communicate, he will try to also and hopefully clear the air. ]
It's the first "love" anyone's ever given me even if it was twisted or fake or anything else— I'll take what I can get and I'll accept my fault in that. It's my fault is I wanted to believe you so badly that I actually hoped you could do what you said, that you wouldn't get bored and lose interest. What's my fault is I let it bother me like I didn't know it was coming from the very start when you didn't.
I was jealous and hurt because I really just thought... maybe because of your life and everything you went through, too... being alone and always feeling like you were doomed to observe and never experience... that just maybe you would never cross the line of lying to me about keeping me and paying attention to me. That you wouldn't dismiss me when you got bored, that you really wouldn't discard or hate me no matter what. That you wouldn't bother to extend that towards me if it wasn't sincere in some way because why would you go that far to hurt me?
But, then our encounter in Campina helped me figure it out... and that was that I did something very wrong if your assumption was what it was. I missed something or otherwise failed to give you something, because it's clear after hearing you and Hakuno, after hearing Vietnam and Hakuno discuss you towards me, that they know there's a very different side of you that pushes them to think better of you.
I get it now. I don't like it, but I get it. I don't hate you or want you to suffer for what you did to me. This is about Hakuno and you. I am angry with you for hurting Hakuno, especially over something that didn't exist to begin with. If you make it up to Hakuno and she accepts you back, if your wife continues to praise you as trying to make progress, if you can at least keep them happy... then I'll be happiest with you. Do you understand?
[ But, overall? I really... think I would have just rather remained in your Gate locked away than deal the sting of hurt that I can't seem to get rid of. ]
no subject
[ he doubts only because they weren't that close when looked at properly. Masamune may have been a little smitten in the idea from the fantasy of their second meeting... but it was one instance.
His mouth feels dry, the back of his throat aches but he decides, just this once, because Gilgamesh is trying to communicate, he will try to also and hopefully clear the air. ]
It's the first "love" anyone's ever given me even if it was twisted or fake or anything else— I'll take what I can get and I'll accept my fault in that. It's my fault is I wanted to believe you so badly that I actually hoped you could do what you said, that you wouldn't get bored and lose interest. What's my fault is I let it bother me like I didn't know it was coming from the very start when you didn't.
I was jealous and hurt because I really just thought... maybe because of your life and everything you went through, too... being alone and always feeling like you were doomed to observe and never experience... that just maybe you would never cross the line of lying to me about keeping me and paying attention to me. That you wouldn't dismiss me when you got bored, that you really wouldn't discard or hate me no matter what. That you wouldn't bother to extend that towards me if it wasn't sincere in some way because why would you go that far to hurt me?
But, then our encounter in Campina helped me figure it out... and that was that I did something very wrong if your assumption was what it was. I missed something or otherwise failed to give you something, because it's clear after hearing you and Hakuno, after hearing Vietnam and Hakuno discuss you towards me, that they know there's a very different side of you that pushes them to think better of you.
I get it now. I don't like it, but I get it. I don't hate you or want you to suffer for what you did to me. This is about Hakuno and you. I am angry with you for hurting Hakuno, especially over something that didn't exist to begin with. If you make it up to Hakuno and she accepts you back, if your wife continues to praise you as trying to make progress, if you can at least keep them happy... then I'll be happiest with you. Do you understand?
[ But, overall? I really... think I would have just rather remained in your Gate locked away than deal the sting of hurt that I can't seem to get rid of. ]