[Even if she didn't want to admit it... she would have to ask someone eventually. If she didn't ask him, then who? Gilgamesh was out of the question... Kida, potentially? While part of her didn't want to ask, was still cross at him slightly...
He'd finally owned up to things, so it would be her at fault if she held it against him yet.
Her gaze gradually fell again, down to her hands and down further to the tiny heels she stood in. Sent the signals to wriggle toes and received only slight twinges of pain in response.]
... my feet need to be rebound before we depart for the next mission.
[She forced herself to put it into words, fingers twisting up his sheets.]
It is a grotesque task, and I would not fault you if you did not wish to do it- know that.
All right. Tell me when you are ready and I'll do it.
[ He makes no effort to insist it's not a grotesque task, to go over the top in trying to lighten the subject, but, why would he? It's something worse than taking care of his own eye, including the fact it's inflicted deliberately, but the self-consciousness about an ugly thing attached to one's self is very well empathized. ]
[The lack of insistence was appreciated when it was something she would view as falsity. Even Wolfram, who had been tending to her feet for years, who had even been the one to break them with his own hands, had sometimes been unable to hide the expression on his face when tending them. Let alone someone viewing them for the first time- what actually lay beneath the delicately arched shoes, the layers of ribbon and bandage.]
... As soon as possible, I suppose. Since Sebastian departed they have been unattended.
[And it had... sort of gotten to the point where she'd had to use stronger and stronger smelling herbs in her bandage soaks to disguise the hints of rot.]
Okay. Give me a few minutes, we can do it within the hour. [ Masamune beckons for her to come crawl over to him where he resides against the wall on the bed. ]
[Sieglinde hoped this didn't count as losing. But even if it did, she supposed it was inevitable anyway- because she was crawling back onto the bed she'd angrily stormed out of not moments ago, pulling up her skirts so that she didn't step on them and pull her gown with her knees, feet held carefully off the mattress until she twisted around and sat, stretching out her legs.
- Pain, that was right. More than what it caused her, her expression darkened for the fact that she'd had to ask him to do it to her.]
Everything I need is in the leather satchel under my desk.
[Her "kit", really. The neccesary herbs, a pan for soaking her feet in first, clean bandages, a stick for biting down on.]
[ Truly like a sibling, he seems already beyond that line of thinking in terms of which of them ends with the upper hand. Gently, he puts a hand on her head at her answer and once she is close enough.
Masamune nods, quiet for several moments before finally he glances down at her, uncertain how he should really ask this (or if at all but he's going to do so, anyway). ]
[Its not something she's ever said out loud, even though she's thought about it. It would have been unthinkable to her just a few months ago- to unbind the feet that were representations of the pact her ancestor had made, proof that she continued in the tradition of the witch who had offered up her legs to the werewolves in exchange for protection from humans, a place to hide within the Witch Forest.
But that had been before it had turned out to be a lie, just another vicious thing, a way of crippling her so that she could never leave the village dressed up in the accoutrements of tradition and ceremony. It makes her gaze fall to her feet, staring silently for a long time at the tiny heels that hid them away, how very delicate they were. Both would likely fit in one of Masamune's hands, and it had been years to get them that way. Years of pain. It would take years of pain to undue it, as well- and if she were lucky, perhaps she might regain some of the mobility a normal child ought to have, but until then?]
If you did... I wouldn't be able to walk at all. Not before we go to the next world- and not even after that, maybe.
[She already had to rely on him so much- hold him back, even, so to have to do that even more... At least how she was now, her balance was poor and her muscles weak, but she could manage short distances...]
You think so? I don't. [ but he moves his hand from her hand to her shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze. ]
It's your choice, but don't let that sort of feeling towards yourself be what makes your decision on this. Sometimes, to squeeze out of the cage, the bird's wings need to be broken. It may have to face the small chance it will never fly again, but... is it preferable to be held in a prison like that the rest of its life, instead?
[ For her, perhaps something such as being unable to walk but nevertheless free of the very thing done to her to make her unable to escape her nightmare may be something she desperately needs to start living past that lie.
...That's all assuming she won't walk again, too. Masamune doesn't believe that would be the case, at all-- not even for a second.
Nevertheless, this isn't a choice that can be made by anyone else but her. Even someone attempting to make the choice "for her own good" if she will not, it will loose its empowering effect entirely. ]
[It was nice to hear that he didn't think she would be useless, even if she believed it herself. They'd begun the ritual when she was young... A mere five years of age, and it was difficult to remember what walking about freely had felt like. What her feet had once looked like. Strange, that she could remember every word she'd ever read, remember formulas and maths in her head like nothing at all, but her own body...
It had been easier to forget than keep memories that would only be painful reminders of a loss.]
If I could stay in Oska for a few months and let them heal... Perhaps skip a mission...
[It would be easier to make the decision. But to unbind her feet would mean at this point rebreaking them, potentially multiple times until they could be convinced to heal correctly in a way that would enable her to support her own full weight without pain... And though she felt she could speed it along slightly with the magic she had now... It wasn't enough.
She would keep searching.]
But then I wouldn't be able to protect you, so.
[She tried to smile at the joke, that she was the one protecting him all along, fingers curling in her skirts at her knees, feet twisting inwards anxiously.]
Truthfully, he has no expectations for her to go either way so he tells himself he's ready for any answer Sieglinde decides to give. It's just that he doesn't expect the joke-- especially not the context she decides to use. Immediately he moves his head to look down at her, surprised, but his questioning expression freezes seeing that attempt of hers to laugh and smile.
For a moment, his heart sinks a little, reminded of times he would do similar to Kojuro, as if in the end it wasn't as big of a deal or painful to accept the scenario they were placed in. A part of him wants to tell her not to joke because she can stay here all she needs for all the time in order to have this opportunity. He wouldn't let ALASTAIR say otherwise.
But, that's a long time and without constant support of people—
He bows his head a moment before he reaches to raise her onto his lap facing him and affectionately bumps his forehead against hers. Eyes closed, he smiles a little, sounding playfully exasperated by her reveal. ]
Ahh, OK— It's true I would be in trouble without you.
[ This girl is the only thing he has here. Keeping her from harm and seeing her as happy as possible are the only things that keep him on a path. Perhaps she thinks she does none of the protecting—that's not entirely true. She protects his soul from wandering aimlessly and becoming lost. ]
Should you ever change your mind... just tell me. I'll stay behind with you or be your feet until yours recover-- here or there doesn't matter.
[This time there's no mistaking the contact for anything but familial, but comforting and warm, and Sieglinde's smile falters and twists a bit in a surge of emotion even as she pressed back against his forehead slightly, trying to keep hold of the tone and smile she'd managed a few seconds previous.]
I know.
[To both things. Her arms wrapped around his neck, hugging close as she sighed, the options she had traipsing through her head. She knew he would stay if she asked, even if she didn't know if ALASTAIR would even allow such a thing. She knew she could keep looking for a magical solution- she knew healing spells, but none that could fix wounds that weren't fresh, that could fix complex breaks and rearranged bone, atrophied muscles and removed nails.
She knew that even if she trusted him, even if Masamune was the person she trusted the most in all of ALASTAIR, showing him what was beneath the bandages would be difficult for her. Would be trying- and that wasn't even the actual physical pain from the rebindings. It seemed inconsequential in comparison.
But she still took a moment to gather herself- to calm her heart. The foot binding could wait a moment.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
no subject
He'd finally owned up to things, so it would be her at fault if she held it against him yet.
Her gaze gradually fell again, down to her hands and down further to the tiny heels she stood in. Sent the signals to wriggle toes and received only slight twinges of pain in response.]
... my feet need to be rebound before we depart for the next mission.
[She forced herself to put it into words, fingers twisting up his sheets.]
It is a grotesque task, and I would not fault you if you did not wish to do it- know that.
no subject
All right. Tell me when you are ready and I'll do it.
[ He makes no effort to insist it's not a grotesque task, to go over the top in trying to lighten the subject, but, why would he? It's something worse than taking care of his own eye, including the fact it's inflicted deliberately, but the self-consciousness about an ugly thing attached to one's self is very well empathized. ]
no subject
... As soon as possible, I suppose. Since Sebastian departed they have been unattended.
[And it had... sort of gotten to the point where she'd had to use stronger and stronger smelling herbs in her bandage soaks to disguise the hints of rot.]
no subject
Do you have anything to help you with the pain?
no subject
- Pain, that was right. More than what it caused her, her expression darkened for the fact that she'd had to ask him to do it to her.]
Everything I need is in the leather satchel under my desk.
[Her "kit", really. The neccesary herbs, a pan for soaking her feet in first, clean bandages, a stick for biting down on.]
no subject
Masamune nods, quiet for several moments before finally he glances down at her, uncertain how he should really ask this (or if at all but he's going to do so, anyway). ]
...Do you want me to unbind them, instead?
no subject
But that had been before it had turned out to be a lie, just another vicious thing, a way of crippling her so that she could never leave the village dressed up in the accoutrements of tradition and ceremony. It makes her gaze fall to her feet, staring silently for a long time at the tiny heels that hid them away, how very delicate they were. Both would likely fit in one of Masamune's hands, and it had been years to get them that way. Years of pain. It would take years of pain to undue it, as well- and if she were lucky, perhaps she might regain some of the mobility a normal child ought to have, but until then?]
If you did... I wouldn't be able to walk at all. Not before we go to the next world- and not even after that, maybe.
[She already had to rely on him so much- hold him back, even, so to have to do that even more... At least how she was now, her balance was poor and her muscles weak, but she could manage short distances...]
I'd be even more useless.
no subject
It's your choice, but don't let that sort of feeling towards yourself be what makes your decision on this. Sometimes, to squeeze out of the cage, the bird's wings need to be broken. It may have to face the small chance it will never fly again, but... is it preferable to be held in a prison like that the rest of its life, instead?
[ For her, perhaps something such as being unable to walk but nevertheless free of the very thing done to her to make her unable to escape her nightmare may be something she desperately needs to start living past that lie.
...That's all assuming she won't walk again, too. Masamune doesn't believe that would be the case, at all-- not even for a second.
Nevertheless, this isn't a choice that can be made by anyone else but her. Even someone attempting to make the choice "for her own good" if she will not, it will loose its empowering effect entirely. ]
Stupid sibling feels
It had been easier to forget than keep memories that would only be painful reminders of a loss.]
If I could stay in Oska for a few months and let them heal... Perhaps skip a mission...
[It would be easier to make the decision. But to unbind her feet would mean at this point rebreaking them, potentially multiple times until they could be convinced to heal correctly in a way that would enable her to support her own full weight without pain... And though she felt she could speed it along slightly with the magic she had now... It wasn't enough.
She would keep searching.]
But then I wouldn't be able to protect you, so.
[She tried to smile at the joke, that she was the one protecting him all along, fingers curling in her skirts at her knees, feet twisting inwards anxiously.]
kicks at dirt tsuntsun
Truthfully, he has no expectations for her to go either way so he tells himself he's ready for any answer Sieglinde decides to give. It's just that he doesn't expect the joke-- especially not the context she decides to use. Immediately he moves his head to look down at her, surprised, but his questioning expression freezes seeing that attempt of hers to laugh and smile.
For a moment, his heart sinks a little, reminded of times he would do similar to Kojuro, as if in the end it wasn't as big of a deal or painful to accept the scenario they were placed in. A part of him wants to tell her not to joke because she can stay here all she needs for all the time in order to have this opportunity. He wouldn't let ALASTAIR say otherwise.
But, that's a long time and without constant support of people—
He bows his head a moment before he reaches to raise her onto his lap facing him and affectionately bumps his forehead against hers. Eyes closed, he smiles a little, sounding playfully exasperated by her reveal. ]
Ahh, OK— It's true I would be in trouble without you.
[ This girl is the only thing he has here. Keeping her from harm and seeing her as happy as possible are the only things that keep him on a path. Perhaps she thinks she does none of the protecting—that's not entirely true. She protects his soul from wandering aimlessly and becoming lost. ]
Should you ever change your mind... just tell me. I'll stay behind with you or be your feet until yours recover-- here or there doesn't matter.
kiss and make up
I know.
[To both things. Her arms wrapped around his neck, hugging close as she sighed, the options she had traipsing through her head. She knew he would stay if she asked, even if she didn't know if ALASTAIR would even allow such a thing. She knew she could keep looking for a magical solution- she knew healing spells, but none that could fix wounds that weren't fresh, that could fix complex breaks and rearranged bone, atrophied muscles and removed nails.
She knew that even if she trusted him, even if Masamune was the person she trusted the most in all of ALASTAIR, showing him what was beneath the bandages would be difficult for her. Would be trying- and that wasn't even the actual physical pain from the rebindings. It seemed inconsequential in comparison.
But she still took a moment to gather herself- to calm her heart. The foot binding could wait a moment.
Happy birthday to her.]